holiday?

well, happy holiday everybody!
i only got 2 weeks for holiday, so i should plan this properly and carefully. let's see what i can do for this holiday!
1. driving lessons
2. trip to jogja, or go to the dentist
3. doing my homework, reading newspaper and stuff
4. writing some kind of story or novel or whatever


somehow, it sounds boring... sigh...

insecure

so, about three days ago, on saturday, i accompanied my mom to this holistic hospital, she had some kind of bad cough. and i was waiting outside the examine room, reading paper and stuff, when a guy decided to sit in front of me, and asked me some question. "Hey, why are you here?" "What's wrong with you?" i don't know, something like that, blame me and my horrible grammar and my vocabulary. the point is... the time that guy decided to open his mouth and asked me some question, was the same time when i was rising my left eyebrow. i found that i don't like to be asked by some random guy or people in public place. i did answer his questions, with the shortest sentence i had in my mind. five seconds later, i ran away into examine room and biting my lips.



i never knew that i was so insecure,no, i mean... that i am so insecure...



i should work on it, shouldn't i?!

G*D, i'm exhausted!

ok, fine, that's it! no more moaning about that guy! (i hope...)
he's so last year!

time to change!


cut it out girls, let's think about your future (my future)!
yep, that's it,
my own future.


i can make it, i can stand on my own feet.


because i am independent! (yeah, that's my promise to myself and my prayer...)

sometimes,

picture:'smoke' by jessica Runkel on www.deviantart.com

sometimes,

i wish i could smoke like a man,

or drink some alcohol,

that would help for me,

i guess.



but, i'm sure, i'm much more stronger than that. i suppose...

my bad behaviour, attitude, character, or whatever...

i am annoying, aren't i?

i lost my faith on myself

picture bleed the sky on deviantart

somehow, i do not believe in happy ending.

it just happened again

picture "into the fog" by biszkopciik taken from : www.deviantart.com



i was doing my homework when suddenly memories about you popped out on my head. seriously, i had enough of this nonsense. if only i could erase memories about you, i would be happy.
the day, and the time i met you was a curse, wasn't it?! it was all wrong. if i had controlled my self, i wouldn't have fallen for you.



powerless...

early morning tragedy

that morning i feel people's life are over dramatic.

handsome young mccarthy!

picture taken from: www.smackmack.com and www.moviegoods.com




hahay! i just watched this old movie : "mannequin". directed by michael gottlieb. hilarious!

i found out...

picture: fly in the clouds by NerySoul (www.devianart.com)





i found out that i just wanna make myself powerful and independent. i wanna fly high and catch my dream. i must be able to stand alone in this planet, before i meet someone from 'another planet' (and that should be later, far away from now).

if i could just shed a tear...

you know? my brain, my emotion, and my tears... they don't really understand each others. there's a giant stone stuck in my heart which is translated that i'm angry and sad at the same time but my st***d brain must have told something to my tears that makes them stand still at their house. gee, the point is... i couldn't cry or i can't cry or whatever... (just blame my horrible grammar!)



although i am a cheerful girl most of the time, i am still a normal human that happened to feel sad and angry...


and i don't feel like to host my mother's house alone today.





even, now, when i look in the mirror, all i can see is my big smile.




fake...

will be singing this all day!

You're on the phone with your girlfriend, She's upset
She's going off about something that you said
She doesnt get your humour like I do

I'm in the room, its a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesnt like
And she'll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're lookin for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Walkin the streets with you in your worn out jeans
I cant help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on the park bench thinkin to myself
Hey isnt this easy?

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I havent seen it in awhile, since she brought you down
You say you find I know you better than that
Hey, Whatcha doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standin by, waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Oh I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry
I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams
I think I know where you belong. I think I know it's with me.

Can't you see that I'm the one who understand you?
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by or waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that
You belong with me
You belong with me

Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me
You belong with me


You Belong With Me Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/

Mp3Raid music code

taylor swift you belong with me mp3 | lyrics

free music downloads | music videos | pictures

just read this news last night

he's taken, literally...

chizumi and fujiomi

picture taken from: jendelaku.files.wordpress.com





God, i've read these comics million times. but still love it and fall in love with fujiomi every time i read these things, again and again.

my confession!

i open his tweets account, twice a day, even more.

i collected bills that i got from restaurants where we gone to about a year a go.

i check on his blog at least once a week.

i like to see if he is online on YM, just so i know.


he already knew that i l*** him, he surely did.

not change a thing.


he doesn't really care that i am exist.


but i do care about him, everything about him.


obsessed???!!!

just a youngest daughter and a spoiled kid

if you see me, hear my name, even from another planet, you can tell right away that i am a spoiled kid (ehem! 18 years old kid). but you better watch out, i am a learner.

quote... quote... quotes of my broken heart

picture taken from sodahead.com

"even more, i had never meant to love him. one thing i truly knew- knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest- was how love gave someone the power to break you. i'd been broken beyond repair." (bella swan)



"... forbidden to remember, terrified to forget..." (bella swan)

5 facts about my body

1. my body type is ectomorph. it takes million years to gain muscle in my body.
2. my eyes change color. sometimes it's shiny green, but sometimes it's golden brown. duh! you wish... no, my eyes are black.
3. and, my hair is black and straight. i just had them curled last week, the bad news is... it caused me suffering from hair loss and dry hair. God, women! (sigh...) i'm overreacting, i know, sorry...
4. i wear braces. somehow i feel that i look like betty (American television comedy- drama's character), but with eating disorder problem. in other words, i'm a way much thinner then she is. haha...
5. my skin color is soft brown almost near to dark brown. and... i'm doing the best i can to keep them soft brown.



oh, when i said about the eating disorder, it's just some kind of metaphor, it doesn't mean that i had eating disorder...




yeah, well, i don't really care that much either if you think the opposite...

it's such a great combo! p.e.r.f.e.c.t !!! #@$%^&!!!!

having your heart broken and toothache for the same time it's such a great combo guys! it really is, believe me! okay, when i feel 'the pain' both from my teeth and my heart (duh...! i know...), i naturally want to hit someone's head. haha...
sorry... but thank God i can control myself, so far, at least. so, no one is getting hurt, no need to call 911 or C.S.I or L.A.P.D or their friends. i haven't killed anyone...,yet.


i just need some Mafepain, or mefenamic acid or whatever...


give me those d*** drugs!


hikshiks....

he's just not that into you, yep...

picture taken from: harryallen.info

new lesson for me... "he's just not that into you"(2009, directed by Ken Kwapis, written by Abby Kohn & Marc Silverstein). God, i feel like i am 'Gigi Phillips', i don't mean physically, just the character. wait, no, maybe worse! i've been dreaming about being with this 'guy' for almost one year... iyyyaaaiikkksss! needy... what is wrong with me??? i kept hoping that i am 'the exception'.



'are you the exception... or the rule?'




it seems like i am the rule, always am...

sigh...

it seems like i'm failed.

convince yourself!

Elle Woods said, "You must always have faith in yourself...". see?? huh?! but, still, i feel the same way. sigh... i am begging for some miracles, pliiiizzzzz, to The Creator of the world and each tiny creature in it, save my life...

counting days...

two days to my suicide mission, counting every second to my own battle with no back-up. i feel like my heart is beating so loud through my skin. every time i take a deep breath, makes me feel exactly much worse.

describe yourself!

one word i can say 'bout me and myself, insecure...

hey...???!!!!!!

yep, i was trying to build my own live here. and i am happy... please, stay away...

like that song (flightless bird, american mouth), but...

yeah...yeah... i like that song! but, i don't understand what the lyric means. haha... L-O-L. check this out!
I was a quick wet boy, diving too deep for coins
All of your street light eyes wide on my plastic toys
Then when the cops closed the fair, I cut my long baby hair
Stole me a dog-eared map and called for you everywhere

Have I found you
Flightless bird, jealous, weeping or lost you, american mouth
Big pill looming

Now I'm a fat house cat
Nursing my sore blunt tongue
Watching the warm poison rats curl through the wide fence cracks
Pissing on magazine photos
Those fishing lures thrown in the cold
And clean blood of Christ mountain stream

Have I found you
Flightless bird, grounded, bleeding or lost you, american mouth
Big pill stuck going down

flightless bird,american mouth

flightless bird mp3 | lyrics

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sat-nite

sat-nite for me: a bag of popcorn, strawberry juice, plus dvd serial friends yang jadul tapi paling ngocol sepanjang jaman. cinta banget sama chandler bing!

bored???

"Life is never boring, but some people choose to be bored" (Wayne Dyer). huh? see??? Live the life you love, love the life you live...

chuck bass

somehow i like his quote, "i am done chasing after you Blair, now it's your turn..." (chuck in real life-gossip girl season 2)